"You may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don't try." - Beverly Sills

"You are the master of your own destiny. Use your strengths well. They are the keys to your destiny and your success in life. Once you know yourself and take action to realize your dreams, you can unlock the doors to your own potential." - Neil Somerville

"Take control of your destiny. Believe in yourself. Ignore those who try to discourage you. Avoid negative sources, people, places, things and habits. Don't give up and don't give in." - Wanda Carter

Life is what you make it, so I have decided to wake up every morning choosing to be happy, loving, and determined. I have noticed that I allow others to determine my life. I need to take control and follow my heart. I am meant for great things, and shouldn't settle for anything less.

Today was a day of ups and downs, its days like these that I agree with people that I am moody. Seriously though how could I not..my day was full of good times and hard time? My day started off with a phone call from a sweet lady at Bellevue College apologizing for the registration confusion yesterday (which was a COMPLETE disaster!) which was refreshing. I then went to a work meeting, which was like most of them...not very productive but yet something I try to make the most of. As I left the meeting I realized how lucky I was that it is still wonderful weather in Maple Valley, WA and I am able to have my sunroof down. (small miracle!) I then grabbed my paycheck and deposited it, noticing an extra $400 in my bank account. Feeling so excited about my great day, (after a few months of forcing myself to be happy...it seemed today was going my way!) I met up with Emily at the gym. After I felt so proud of myself because I was sore from boxing and didn't let that keep me from my daily work out plan. I came home and showered, and grabbed a yummy Peach Tea from Cutter's Point on my way to work. I felt so excited about my day and feeling happy effortlessly, it was so refreshing. Life has been so challenging and stressful lately that I wondered if I would ever be normal again, and today seemed to go that way. As I sat in my car before work I began to think about life, nursing school, Provo and my testimony. It is then when I began to lose my breath, and feel all my anxiety come rushing back. Tears began rolling down my face as I internally wrestled over my future and hesitated on my plan. I felt so scared, confused and let down. Why couldn't Heavenly Father make life choices so clear and easy to know right from wrong. I feel like one day I know I am making the right choice with Provo, and then today I had completely opposite feelings. Which feelings are right? What is the right choice? Where am I supposed to go from here? What should my next step be? When I pray I don't get answers, and I know Heavenly Father wants me to make the choice, but that is what scares me. What if I make the wrong one? I walked into work with mascara running and red eyed, and it went down hill from there. I cant wait for these big decisions to be over and be on my way to my goals in life. Its the first big step that I am so afraid of.

I realized when I got home from my day that I am need to remember the good times, and focus on everything positive in my life. I cant focus on the things I am afraid of, and things that bring me down. Life is too short to be unhappy for silly reasons.

Reasons to be happy:
iPhone has picture/video texting!
Sunny weather in Maple Valley
Wicked with my Mom is in less than 1 week :)
I have a relationship with God, and Jesus (and they will lift me through the hard times)
I know the friends I have now are real and care about Me and my best interests
I have supportive parents who want me to be happy, successful, and righteous
The hardest part of getting into Nursing school is over (Anatomy Phys)

There are so many more, I decided to write my top 5 down on a piece of paper and put it in my car so that I will be reminded of them daily.

Isiah 41:10
Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness.


Fear is something that I struggle with, I fear failure, which often hinders my progression. "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game" is a quote that I have written on my mirror. I fear failure so deeply that I would rather never try than fail. I need to remember the Lord is watching over me, and will strengthen me.

Today I babysat two little girls from my church, and I loved every minute of it. It is sad but I had so much in common with these little girls (1yr and 5yrs) We all love Princesses, Macaroni and Cheese, Polly Pockets, Chalk, Coloring and Popsicle. I loved Sarah and Lela's hair and room, seriously these two girls are the cutest little girls ever. After playing with the girls I went to dinner with Nicole. It was really nice to eat and talk about life. Easy conversation can be so soothing especially when its with a person I can relate to and understand so well. I made a new CD today with a bunch of new songs I downloaded. Music always seems to express emotions I cant put to words. As I listened to the music on this CD I realized I am really mellowing down, and just wanting to find someone that I can trust, love, and be myself around. I think being a wife and mom are going to be the things in life that bring me the most joy. I also made a copy of WICKED! 1 day!! <3 size="5">

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have,but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have." -Frederick Keonig

Love always,
N

Chorus of a song I heard on the radio and immediately fell in love with:

Sounds like life to me it ain’t no fantasy
It’s just a common case of everyday reality
Man I know it’s tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
It sounds like life to me

Sounds like life to me plain old destiny
Yeah the only thing for certain is uncertainty
You gotta hold on tight just enjoy the ride
Get used to all this unpredictability
Sounds like life

Man I know its tough but you gotta suck it up
To hear you talk you’re caught up in some tragedy
Sounds like life to me
Sounds like life

Life isn't meant to be easy, it is the bad days that make you appreciate the good ones :)

Natalie Olsen affected my life in the time I knew her. No one was so happy and enjoying every moment of life. Natalie you are always in my thoughts and have continue to impact me while you are in heaven. I love you!

Today I found out that my math from BYU doesn't transfer anywhere. AWESOME! I am SO glad I studied everyday in the math lab for 3+ hrs. Provo College won't accept a math course with less than 4 credits and BYU math courses are 3 credits. LOVELY...So I am going back to school just to take Math on my quarter off. (a math I have already taken!!)

One a brighter note, I signed my Mom and I up for a boxing class at the gym! I am so excited, we do real boxing lessons and will also relieve a ton of stress!!! However, today as i was signing up the lady that teaches the class freaked me out by talking in "boxing lingo" which I wasn't aware even existed. This should be interesting! I am still going strong on my work out plan :) and am actually enjoying the gym, and feeling energized. This weekend wiped me out, I worked a lot training a new person, took my CNA test, and worked out!

Goals for the week:
Start Volunteering at Hospital
Work Out 5/7 days
Get into Math that will count at Provo College (and not ruin my Hawaii trip!)
Do a kind deed for someone
Clean my room :)
Finish my Nursing Application paperwork (ugh!)

My CNA registration certificate FINALLY came in the mail, 3 months later! It seriously makes me sick to think that my dream of getting into nursing school may be pushed back because Washington Department of Health took so long on my paperwork. Due to the length of time it took to receive my certificate, I was hoping my certificate would be sparkling or diamond in crested! Instead was a plain piece of paper that could have taken >2mins to print! That's ok though, because I am one step closer to everything I have worked so hard for. My application is due in 12 days (Sept 30!). Woohoo I couldn't be more excited!

Other exciting things on my calendar:
October 1= Wicked with my Momma
October 25= My 21 Birthday! :)
October 31= Halloween
November 20= New Moon comes out <3
November 26= Thanksgiving at the Cabin
December 1= Hawaii
December 25= Christmas at the Cabin

Oh and did I mention college football season started so that adds to my exciting schedule. Go Cougars

Kanye's Work Out Plan

"So first of all we gon' work on the stomach Nobody wants a little tight ass! 1 and 2 and 3 and 4 and get them sit ups right and Tuck your tummy tight and do your crunches like this..." -Kanye West

Alright so it isn't Kanye's Work Out Plan but it is mine :) I have decided that I have let my health/body slack for too long! What I can't stand about working out is that I am just too tired to get myself to go to the gym, and when I DO actually make it to the gym I am 10x more tired and now SORE the next morning. It's a horrible snowball effect, however they say after a few weeks that wears off; I never make it long enough on my work out plan to get to that point though :( So I have decided a plan that will work :)...For every day I work out I am transferring $10 into my checking account. I know, how pathetic that I have to bribe myself to work out...but as long as it works I'm happy! Now at the end of the week if I work out like I should be I will have $60 in my checking account and will be able to reward myself with some shopping at the end of the month!


I really enjoy the classes at the gym, they trick me into working out longer and harder. The ones I plan on going to are Hot Yoga, Cycling (yuck) and Zumba. I am also signing up for tennis lessons again, I guess the US Open has inspired to me get back into tennis :) Working out is going to be really good for me, it will relieve all my stress and get my heart healthy! Plus I am convinced that when I am done I'll magically have a butt like Kim Kardashian and arms like Madonna!



Wish me luck...Hopefully as Kanye says "ladies if you follow these instructions exactly you might bear to pull you a rapper, a nba player man, at least a dude wit' a car"



Love,
N

Dear Nursing School

Dear Nursing School,

Words cant describe the relationship we have. I have never wanted anything so much but yet hated it at the same time. Once I decided to go to nursing school the path was set and the goal was clear. As I began the process and took the classes I then realized what the Nursing field is like, how hard it is and most importantly how badly I wanted it. Nursing School you seemed like a dream that was so far away from reality. The bumps along the way of finishing my pre-requite courses has been a challenge and tested my desire for Nursing.

Life has never taught me how to deal with challenges. Throughout my life I have managed to get through challenges without running into the wall of defeat. I am stubborn, therefore I never give up. (even when it seems like it is pointless) My last quarter of pre-requistes were the hardest, I was burnt out of Anatomy Physiology, going to my CNA class 5-9pm every day and working every night possible. During this time I learned to manage my time, and prioritize my "To Do List". Despite the challenging and overwhelming nature of the quarter it ended up being the most memorable and rewarding times of my life. The CNA program really harvested my desires to help others in a health care professional atmosphere. This time period is when I knew for certain Nursing School was for me. The excitement and love for Nursing festered inside for the next few months and is the source of comfort when the road towards Nursing has gotten tough.

The CNA program at BCC was my first real-life experience, and I was scared to death the first day. I knew that if I didn't like the CNA program, Nursing would be difficult for me to develop passion towards. We learned a lot of interesting skills and health care knowledge. My favorite aspect of the CNA course was interacting with the patients and being involved in taking care of the patients through vital signs and charts. The Nurses were very helpful in giving me advice and comfort for my tough journey ahead. Nursing isn't the most glamerous work, I did a lot of gross things and suprisingly loved every minute of it. Nursing school I know we are a match made in heaven. It has been a rough road already, I know it is worth every heart ach and tear. You are always in my prayers and I think about you daily.

Love ALWAYS,
N

Change

"The key to change ...is to let go of fear"
"For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else"

Lately I have reflected on the change in my life, and these changes directed my gratitude towards Heavenly Father. Change is something I have always been afraid of, but without it life would be at a stand still with no progression or improving. Despite the awkward discomfort of change it is the process of molding and shaping the person you'll become. Fear is the biggest disruption to change. In my Doctrine and Covenants class at BYU the professor illustrated that nothing from the Lord causes fear, those feelings only come from Satan. Fear of change is from Satan trying to prevent the wonderful change from the Lord. I have learned a lot about myself and through change have decided the type of person I want to be, and what I want to stand for. I enjoy being around people and am person that enjoys helping and being there for my friends. I would do anything to make people I love and care for happy. All of these changes in my life are shaping my into the person I want to be, and I couldn't be more grateful for my Heavenly Father for "the climb".