"You're Not Sorry"

All this time I was wasting hoping you would come around
I’ve been giving out chances everytime and all you do is let me down
And its taking me this long but baby I figured you out
And you think it will be fine again but not this time around

You don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t want to hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I won’t believe you baby like I did before
You’re not sorry no more, no more, no

Lookin’ so innocent
I might believe you if I didn’t know
Could’a loved you all my life
If you hadn’t left me waiting in the cold
And you got your share of secrets
And I’m tired of being last to know
And now you’re asking me to listen
Cuz its worked each time before

But you don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
Don’t want to hurt anymore
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I don’t believe you baby like I did before
You’re not sorry no no no noo
You’re not sorry no no no noo

You had me calling for you honey
And it never would’ve gone away no
You use to shine so bright
But I watched our love it fade

So you don’t have to call anymore
I won’t pick up the phone
This is the last straw
There’s nothing left to beg for
And you can tell me that you’re sorry
But I won’t believe you baby like I did before
-Taylor Swift

<3

This song means SO much to me. K I am better off without you.

Love Always,
N

1. I FINALLY mailed my letters/Thanksgiving card to Matthew :) <3 yayyy
Matthew Harper Duffy I miss you so much bud. I really wish you were here, but I know its all for my own selfish reasons.

This weekend was full of adventure and fun activities. However I REALLY realized what makes me happy. As I have grown up my ideal "fun weekend" has really changed and been the sign of my maturing; I realized that what makes me happy has really changed. I really don't like going out in a big group, Id much rather sit at home curled up by the fire watching a movie or playing games.
Things that make me happy:
1. my odd family that is dysfunctional but totally perfect at the same time
2. thinking about my future and what I will accomplish
3. believing there is a greater cause on this earth
4. laughing with my friends
5. making other people happy

I am most comfortable in my leggings, cami, pink fluffy slippers and big comfy sweatshirt with my hair up. (**don't get me wrong I still love getting all dressed up still!) I used to think it was SO fun when my parents would leave, my curfew and responsibilities were gone and I was "free" to do what I wanted. Now I am really realizing that I hate it when they are gone.
Here is my top 5 reasons why I like having my family home:
1. I don't have to cook
2. I'm not alone in a big, empty, scary house: I feel safe!
3. I have someone to sit on the couch by the fireplace and watch football games/movies with
4. My dad knows how to work the fireplace and I don't (**maybe one day I'll learn)
5. My mom actually answers her phone

This week I have SO much going on-
Monday: Tutor for my math test Tuesday. Work. Danielle's Bday
Tuesday: Work. Math lab. Math test.
Wednesday: Catching up on my life. Christmas shopping (I know that sounds ridiculous but Ill be gone for thanksgiving at the cabin and in Hawaii for 10 days after that). Hot Yoga. Setting up my final exam for math class
Thursday: Hanging out with Chad Ford. Twilight. Sushi. New Moon with Emily and Lara
Friday: Work. (**working until like 1am closing) Sara gets home
Saturday: Work
Sunday: Work
**Ok it may not seem like a lot when I actually write it out but seriously!

Wish me Luck! <3

Love Always,
N

Daddy's Girl

Since I was 4 I remember always being a Daddy's girl. I used to sit on his lap during church, get tucked in every night by him and even play soccer together. Everyone reminds me how much I look and act like my dad, often this used to drive me nuts because I didn't see ANY similarities. Lately I realized how much I rely on my dad for encouragement, approval and support. His opinion and thoughts effect my choices and actions in a HUGE way, whether it is about football, food, or other things like school, or big life decisions he is the person I seek approval from. My dad is the hardest working person I know, he has always provided for our family. This week on his business trip (**which my dad LOATHES but does VERY often) I received the SWEETEST text from my dad (**at 6AM! told you he works hard!) it literally brought tears to my eyes. This text reminded me of how loving my dad is and how that is what makes us so similar. We both have big personalities that are also so loving. Sometimes we may not seem like we care but that is quite the opposite, we both are the most loving and would do anything for those we love.

This month my sweet dad found an article and put it on my desk (**he does this frequently and gets REAL sad if you don't read the article and get as excited as he did, its actually a lot of pressure with these articles) This article was entitled "Be a Quality Person" by Marvin J. Ashton. I seriously LOVED this article it was like it was written exactly for me at this time in my life. The main points of the article were how to better yourself

1. A quality person has self respect (**set goals)
"Self-respect allows a person to know who he or she is and what is expected of him or her"
"..continue to work towards high standards and goals to serve others, to continue to practice self discipline. You will not compromise your standards or beliefs."
"Remind yourself that striving can be more important than arriving"

2. A quality person is someone with integrity
"Certainly it is greater to be trusted than loved"
"To be worthy of the highest trust is a noble attribute and compliment"

3. A quality person will not be offended (**this one really surprised me and helped me)
"In life there is no time for being hurt"
"A wise person will focus on principles of optimism and hope"

4. A quality person will develop the capacity to love and be lovable
"It is more important to love than to be loved"
"We all need to take advantage of every opportunity to love with tenderness and sincerity."

5. A quality person will murmur not
"He will not find fault or criticize, belittle or nag"
"Instead he was positive and had no time for contention, discouragement, or apathy."

6. A quality person is one who has real faith
"With true faith we will increase our meaningful relationship with God"
"He lives. He loves us. He hears our prayers and would lead us to eternal happiness"

Other great things this article mentioned:
"Dont be harsh in your self appraisal. Rather measure yourself by whether or not you are living the gospel of Jesus Christ."
"Personal challenge: not to successfully but to live richly, fully, ad joyfully. The goal is not to wait for the right person but to be the right person."


Thank you for the GREAT article Daddy...

Love Always,
N

Recipe Alert:
I am a PROUD owner of all the Nordstrom cook books. Here is the recipe I found for DELICIOUS banana chocolate chip bread. (**super easy!)

Preheat oven to 350
Butter 2 9x5x3 and dust with flour (**prevents from sticking)

In mixing bowl sift together flour, baking soda, baking powder, and salt

In ANOTHER mixing bowl use an electric mixing bowl on medium speed, cream together the 3/4 cup butter and sugar. Reduce speed of mixer and add bananas and sour cream. Add the flour mixture in 3 batches beating until flour disappears. Add chocolate chips by folding the chips into the mixture.

Bake for 20 minutes then rotate the pans 180 degrees then bake for another 30 mins (=50 minutes total)

3/4 C of unsalted butter (**room temperature)
3 1/2 C cake flour
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
4 teaspoon baking powder
1/4 salt
1 1/3 C sugar
4 large eggs
3 C mashed bananas
2/3 C sour cream
1 C semi sweetened chocolate chips

Today was a great day. I didn't work :) that in itself is enough to make a great day. I woke up early and drank a cup of tea and planned my day. (**attempted to plan my day, which NEVER goes like I plan but that's ok)

I then looked at my phone and saw my cute daddy had sent me a text at 6am. (**he's definitely the hardest working guy i know!) his sweet word of encouragement and love brought me to tears. I have always and will always be a daddys girl.

After my cup of tea (**delicious white tea I might add!) I proceeded to ATTEMPT to do my homework. After being frustrated and distracted I decided to break and get a sugar-free peppermint latte :) after I did that I went to emilys for help on math. I offically LOVE emilys home. Cats and warm welcoming home are the best parts! :) Emily and I soon found out I was being bullied online by Patricia through my online math class!! Emily and I sure showed her who was boss! :)

I later helped my cute mother find a gown for her charity gala in San Fran :) <3 with no luck I managed to find some MUST have items:

Bracelet with quote "every moment promises a future of endless possibilities, simply dream, believe and never give up"

Grey tights (**nordys MUST have! I love my black and cream tights so naturally I NEEDED the grey!)

Twilight "team Edward shirt" (**adorable must have for premier night in 9 dayssssss!)

Flannel shirt (**I know I'm so late to jump on the band wagon but this is by far worth the wait. It's sooo cute!)

Black/grey scarf

Black belt

Ps-gossip girl was great!

Love always,
N

I am making an official blog of my "To Do" list because SOMEONE needs to hold me accountable.

To Do

Clean my CAR/ROOM/BATHROOM
Finish my nursing application to BYUi
Follow up on my CNA certification
Online math class assignments! (**I always get marked down for not chatting with them)
Write Elder Matthew Harper Duffy back
Get a social life

Love is a four letter word that is used for my different situations. ie- I LOVE sushi. I LOVE my parents. I LOVE you. All true and beautiful but yet so different. How is it that love can have so many meanings?

I remember growing up knowing love. This love I knew was for my family and parents. (beautiful and divine) My family sets such great examples for me. They have raised me to understand the purpose of life and taught me how to be a "quality" person. This love is a true feeling that I can truly testify of.

As I got older I once again felt a strong love this time for my dear friend Clyde. (my cat) This love was similar to the love for my family but I felt a sense of nurture towards my dear Clyde. Once again this love was something I was sure of and would bare witness of.

Later I made great friends. Unfortunately it wasn't until after high school that I understood how great they were. I am so lucky to be surrounded by people so genuine and caring like them. My friends care about me and have my best intentions in mind and are always making me a better person. I have learned that the respect and appreciation for these great friends is yet another form of love. I will always be there for them. This love is special and different from other love, but still true.

I have been taught I am going to fall in love with someone I'll spend the rest of my life with. It will be like a fairy tale and we will live happily ever after. However, I continue to get hurt as i fail at finding this love....does that mean i am not meant for THIS love? Or is this love not true? Someday I'll find out...until then please make the hurt of falling stop.

“If you love somebody, let them go. If they return, they were always yours. If they don't, they never were.”- Alisha Rodney (my love guru!)